Creativity at it’s finest!

So, there I was, sitting in Comparative Literature watching a dumb movie from like 1921 or something and I get the brilliant idea to start a sentence by sentence story with my friend sitting next to me. Here it is, brought to life by the wonders of the interweb!

The Man, The Amoeba, The References

Once upon a time there was a small cottage in in this cottage lived a man. In this man, there lived a very small, very self-concious yet intelligent amoeba. Being very self-conscious and intelligent she concerned herself greatly with her health and thus the man’s health. Unfortunately, his health had been failing these days, what with all the pollution about. Pollution always got the man depressed and as such he began to eat worse and worse as well. That is until he met the amoeba’s third cousin twice removed – a red haired potato salesman from Norther Idaho by the name of Richard Lucas.

The man and Richard became good friends. Soon Richard invited him to have dinner. What the man didn’t know was that Richard really planned to kill him with a deadly neuro-toxin. As they sat down to eat, the amoeba suddenly got a strange tingle – maybe it was intuition, or the hack saw on the wall behind them, but something told her something was very wrong. Since she didn’t have a gut, she normally didn’t follow it’s advice, but she did this time none the less and got all of her amoeba friends together and told them to be on the lookout for anything suspicious. At the first sign of danger, just as Richard was serving the soup laced with neuro-toxins, the amoebas leapt into action – and promptly died due to exposure to open air and the sudden drop in temperature.

Our friend the man, was suddenly unprotected from the coming danger! Or was he? Unbeknownst to the man or Richard, he had been bombarded by alpha particles as a child while playing near a nuclear power plant and had thus mutated to the point where Richard’s neuro-toxin was rendered ineffective. In fact, when combined with his genetic mutations, the neuro-toxin enhanced the man’s hearing – suddenly, he could hear the shrill, rasping final words of his amoeba friend: “Richard, you bastard!” she cried, “You’ve killed me!”

At first not understanding where the shrill voice had come from he sat for a moment confused and trying to figure out what was going on. Then he realized the truth, and quickly leapt for the window to escape – realizing belatedly that he was on the tenth floor. Plummeting to his doom he fell, faster and faster! 9…8…7…6…5…4…3… He could imagine the painful “Splat!” that lay before him when suddenly he was distracted by the one-breasted prostitute “taking a leak” in the alley.

Yes! He had forgotten about gravity and thus gravity forgot about him! He was flying! Suddenly, a lawyer with a briefcase appeared before him, shaking his head. “Mr. Man,” he said, “I’m afraid that you have violated copyright laws. Mr. Adams is pressing charges.” “Do you think that I could speak to him about this? I seem to have developed the most curious genetic mutation. It might go over well in a new book!?” Stated the man. “By the way, how did you get here so fast anyways?” Quickly the lawyer replied, “The magic of Murphy’s Law. Us bearers of bad new operate on it, you know.” Thinking for a moment, the man thoughtfully said back, “Didn’t Mr. Adams also write about the power of bad news? Therefore you should go press charges on yourself!” “Oh dear,” said the lawyer, “I hadn’t thought of that!” and he promptly vanished in a puff of logic.

Just then the pen suffered a fatal heart attack – and the ridiculous story was no more.

Fin.

Enjoy!